I want to share my birth experience, and I do so because I
trust birth. I trust my body and I trust the innate wisdom in women to do the
most natural thing on the planet… to get pregnant, grow a baby, and to give
life.
I am not going to debate hospital vs. home birth in this
post. It is a much-heated debate, and what I know to be right for me will come
out clear as day in my words, but I am not trying to stir the pot… well, ok, maybe
a little.
The truth is that in life, there is always risk. There are
always things that can happen. But for me, the risks associated with giving
birth in a hospital system where you are forced to give up much of your
autonomy, brings me much greater fear than birthing at home. In fact, I had NO fear
through my entire process. Just presence, intensity, love, power and an innate
knowing that my body and baby were running the show… not someone from the
outside.
My labor started at 2:30 in the morning, and it was without
a doubt, labor. It is hard wired in women to recognize this as labor if we are
allowed to pay attention and let it happen when nature intends. The sensations
of contractions were nothing I had ever experienced before, but yet it felt
undeniably familiar.
My contractions started, and I had no time to bake the cake
I was planning during my early labor, as they were 3 minutes apart and 1 minute
long from the moment the first one woke me up.
I think I manifested going into labor at that moment (I was
10 days ‘overdue’… but of course I was right on time) as I had mentioned to
Sean that June 15th was a full moon AND a lunar eclipse and how that
would be such a magical day for our baby to come, and little Luca must have
heard my request :)
It was serendipity, as we had set the alarm clock for 2:30am
so as to experience and take pictures of the eclipse, but no need… I went into
labor minutes before the alarm went off, the moon guiding me all the way.
Sean started filling the tub, and I got up, had some water
and a snack, as I knew I would need energy for the journey ahead. I put on my
pre-made playlist of music and we dimmed the lights. There is nothing like
knowing that you get to experience one of the most amazing events in your life
in the safety and love of your own home (which means you can go to the fridge,
the bathroom, your bed, the tub, the couch, outside, whenever YOU want, and
move around however YOU feel you need to, without asking permission!).
I labored for a while on the floor, hands and knees, rocking
to the rhythm of my music (internal music as well as external) while the tub
was filling and Sean was scurrying around (so cute) getting the camera set up
(we filmed the whole thing!).
We called our midwife around 6:00 am to let her know that I was
still able to talk and joke, and she asked us to let her know when I was a
little further along and deeper into my process, as she knew that this was a
wonderful time for Sean and I to connect and have private moments.
As my contractions progressed and became more intense, I
decided to try out the birthing pool. AMAZING. For so many reasons. First,
there is a weightlessness that you experience that takes some of the physical
pressure off of your body, and allows you to move and glide and work with each
contraction. Second, there is a sense of fluidity that helps you to get in tune
with the rhythm of your body, and thirdly, there is nothing more relaxing and
pampering than a warm bath!
Sean called our midwife, who showed up around 8:30am,
and the apprentice midwife soon thereafter. My doula/Chiropractor showed up
about an hour later, and there I was… surrounded by so much love, support and a
space that was being held sacredly for me, for our baby, and the amazing
process of bringing life into the world!
I felt totally safe, totally supported, and totally loved
through the intensity of my experience. It was MY show. I was in charge. When a
woman is in labor, allowed to be present and fully conscious with the guidance of her body
and her baby, she goes completely within herself, and innately knows how to give birth. It is primitive, it is
biology, and it is natural.
My body started pushing while in the tub, and my
contractions grew more and more intense. And yes, it was hard, but the feelings
and energy were coming from within ME, not from the outside. I had no fear, even when it was at its most intense; I was able to feel what my body and my
baby were doing, and was ever so aware and one with the process. My support team was
there as witness, offering support and giving me the love and
space I needed to birth my baby.
I pushed for about 3 hours, and during the last hour as my
body really began bearing down, my midwife suggested (and
it was a suggestion, not a demand) that I try the birthing stool, to help open
my pelvis a bit more. It was SO intense for the first 2 contractions, but 2 or
3 more and I could feel my baby moving down. What an AMAZING sensation! Pushing
actually felt so good, so powerful and since I had no drugs, I could FEEL
everything and feel my baby, and knew exactly how to move my body so my little
one could make his journey through.
I got up on my
bed, as my legs were getting a bit tired and I needed to change positions so I
could continue to work.
As I was pushing, my midwife noticed that the bags of water (amniotic sac) were intact and were coming first. They had not broken, (and we did not
intervene and have them broken artificially). She gleefully said, “he is
going to be born in the caul!” which is an term meaning that he was going to be
born completely within the bags of water, unbroken. Magical.
Side note: Being born in the caul is supposedly very rare,
and is said to be a special blessing, and the child is said to have intuitive
powers…cool. However, my midwife has seen this numerous times, so I wonder if
it is rare because it is common practice to break the amniotic sac in order to
induce or ‘speed up’ labor. If more women were allowed to let the innate
intelligence in their bodies decide when to go into labor, would more babies be
born in this more magical way? I wonder.
So I am on the bed, surrounded by my Chiropractor/doula, 2 midwives and
Sean and feel so empowered, so supported and fearless as I tapped in to
the primal femininity, which goes back eons and eons of time. It felt right; it
felt like I had done this a million times. I had no one from the outside
telling me what I should or should not be doing. Just that I was doing it!
I pushed my baby’s head out after a huge contraction and an intense burning sensation (ring of fire...oh, that describes it well!). Seeing his head and feeling the intensity
gave me an enormous burst of energy and excitement. He was RIGHT THERE. One
more intense contraction and a final push and I felt his shoulders and then his
slippery little body and he was born. Shrouded in the sac which was his sacred
home for 9 + months. It was AMAZING.
My midwife pulled the sac off of him and immediately he let
out a cry, and she plopped him right on my belly. He was born at 11:26 am after a 9 hour labor.
And then the hormones kicked in…. WOW. I have NEVER felt
such bliss in all my life. Every uncomfortable and intense sensation completely
left me, and I was in ecstasy. (I literally felt like I had just taken the most
amazing hallucinogenic drug. And the cool thing was that I hadn’t had ANY
drugs… It was again, coming from ME!)
My baby Luca was on my chest, and was blissed out as well.
He was not taken from me, he was placed exactly where he innately EXPECTED to
be. On me. On Momma. The matrix of his world so far. (The neural imprinting of
this is so deep, that I am planning on a second post of just the lifelong
implications of the baby’s first neural sensory experiences).
We waited for the cord to stop pulsing, as the blood that
was squeezed out of him during his journey out of me and into the world was
pumped back into his body. While it was pulsing, everyone just held the space,
lovingly for little Luca. It was apparent that he felt no fear, he was just
where he was supposed to be, and was in awe and complete awareness taking in
his new world.
Dad cut the cord when it stopped pulsing, and Luca was
allowed to do what nature and his instinct was programmed to do…CRAWL towards
my breast and find his first oral food. Most people do not realize that babies can
actually crawl right after birth. If given the opportunity, and if they have no
drugs running through their little systems, they will literally crawl and head
bob their way ON THEIR OWN to the breast. And after about 30 minutes, this is
just what he did. Amazing.
Again, the neural imprinting that occurs when the baby is
allowed to do what it is designed to do sets up a primary foundation of independance. Being allowed to move and twist and turn their way out of momma, and then allowed to find the breast on their own is primary, instinctual, and is NECESSARY.
It was amazing to just be, in my bed, with my baby, where I
gave birth, and not have to worry about going anywhere. I could sleep, eat and
be waited on hand and foot while bonding with my new little baby. It was the
most perfect experience of my life.
I felt so empowered, and know now after going through that
experience, in my home, without any unnecessary interventions or drugs, that I
can do ANYTHING.
And again, this is not a debate about home vs. hospital
birth, but I know that I would not have had the same experience or perhaps the
same outcome if I would have birthed in the hospital.
For me, being in a place with unfamiliar smells, sights,
sounds and people feels totally unnatural. I would not have been able to relax
fully, to be ever so present in my body, and to be able to do exactly what my
body and baby needed to do. I know that feeling stressed, feeling pressured,
and being unable to focus within, can slow down and complicate the natural
progression of birth. Some women feel safer and more at ease in a hospital
setting while giving birth, but for me, my bed is the most comfortable and safe
place in the world!
Giving birth to my son was
the hardest and most miraculous thing I have ever been through, and I would
NEVER take it back. I wasn’t quiet, I didn’t have a pain free experience, but I
did have the most empowering and transformative experience of my life, and I
have a healthy, amazing little baby whom I brought into the world in a safe, peaceful, and
loving environment.
I chose homebirth because I trust birth. The debate about
whether it is better to birth at home or in the hospital is about what is safer
for mom and baby. Problems can arise in both situations. And they do. This is
life. We are faced with life and death every day. I just choose to trust, to
focus on what can go RIGHT and honor the fact that we can never really know how
miraculous the creation of life is, that there is a force bigger than all of us
which is supporting our experiences. I put my faith in that, and am forever
grateful for my pregnancy and birth experience which was all for my amazing
baby boy.
